Genesis 22:1-14: April 2007

Monday, April 23, 2007


i wasn't ignoring you tt day. i had my reasons for not really wanting to talk, for drawing away. not just from you, if you haven't realised...but from the few of you i held most dear to my heart. it sounds selfish, but maybe it's from the many disappointments, i don't want to risk being hurt. don't ppl always say, the greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment..? m trying hard not to expect too much already, but things don't seem to change for the better. i wanted to explain things tt sunday. i wanted to say i was sorry for causing you to tink i was ignoring you. but you said you're tired of it. i was hoping you'd understand, and even if you didn't, at least forgive me. i fought back tears as you sent each sms filled with sarcasm i didn't expect, which you probably didn't mean to use as well. i didn't want things to turn out this way. i wasn't angry, i honestly wasn't and m not.
i was hoping you'd talk to me after a week. but you didn't that saturday. i was hoping you would on sunday, but you walked away each time i came near. i tried smiling at you today, but you wouldn't even look at me.
what i learnt at precept this evening was really apt. when i try to solve things on my own and things just don't seem to get better, i can only pray. likewise, since i've tried what i could for this friendship, and things still don't seem to get better, in fact...i tink i've made it worse...i'll just stop doing anything... and pray. maybe someday, you'll understand, just maybe. for now, i shall commit this into the hands of the One Whom i've always hoped would be Lord of our friendship...

Thursday, April 05, 2007

thanksgiving, supposedly.

i was actually really happy abt something just now...

i made a pretty bad mistake at work today. it was tempting not to tell my boss abt it, but when i shared with dear, josiah & hannah, they encouraged me to tell the truth...thank God i did. was really bugging me and i was so worried abt it...but when i called my boss to tell the truth, she was really kind abt it. i was so thankful she didn't reprimand me like most lawyers prolly would, if such a mistake was made =/ well, a lesson learnt: when i honour God by being honest, He honoured me too : ) praise God!

my friends were really happy for me...sis charissa was so glad i told the truth. but when i came home, i told mommy & pa (who had just got home today), they weren't happy for me at all. pa didn't respond or even look like he was listening, just staring at the tv, and mom just incessantly repeated the same thing "yah, watever, better stop making so many mistakes". no matter how i tried emphasizing on how God honoured me for being honest, she just kept harping on me making mistakes & couldn't see my point. i felt really sad, disappointed. and now...m feeling really awful and i just can't stop feeling tt way...and honestly, i really regret telling her abt it...